You and the stranger both like Sherlock.

You: Ooh piffle.

Stranger: Indeed?

You: My dinosaur, she’s gone!

You: Someone must have MISPLACED HER.

You: This is tragic indee

You: d.

Stranger: This is a disaster!

Stranger: How traumatising for you!

You: I wish there was a detective who could help detect her!

Stranger: Hey! I think I know someone!

You: What’s that? Sherlock Holmes?

Stranger: Indeed, yes!

You: Sherlock Holmes is an incompetent, lying freak?

You: Then who can help me?!

You: Gasp!

You: I know!

Stranger: Shock horror!

You: Da da da da!

You: ANDERSON!

Stranger: OH MY GOODNESS

Stranger: What a fantabulous idea!

You: YES

You: ANDERSON, HELP FIND MY DINOSAUR YOU BRAVE, HANDSOME SMARTGUY

You: YES

Stranger: THIS IS FANTASTIC NEWS

You: WHAT?

Stranger: ANDERSON THE DINOSAUR FINDER

You: OMG

You: GOOD

You: Where could she be? Under the mat?

You: Under that hat?

Stranger: In the bath?

You: Inside Sherlock Holmes’s flat?

You: In a tree?

You: In the sea?

You: Where oh where could she be?

You: Under a cat?

You: Under a bat?

You: Under Mycroft Holmes’s fat?

Stranger: That’ll be where

You: Probably

You: Let’s go check.

Stranger: Okay, we’ll need a torch

You: Hello Mr. Holmes, can you take off your clothes, it’s important.

Stranger: Extremely important

You: Yes

You: Thank you.

You: Now I need a second to look under your jelly roll.

You: Gosh

You: How dark.

You: Can you hand me that torch now?

Stranger: Sure, here you go, do you need anything else?

You: Uh, rope.

Stranger: Oh no, this sounds like it’s going to be a very difficult adventure, here’s the rope!

You: Come along then, there might be beasties living in here!

You: I heard a growl.

Stranger: I’ll get the swords, just in case

You: Okay.

You: Oh no! A batter-bat! Quick!

Stranger: DUCK

You: Oh, it flew off, I guess that it—COBBLER GOBLINS! RUN!

Stranger: AGHHHH!

You: AHHHHH!

Stranger: I HATE COBBLER GOBLINS

You: ME TOO

You: THEY SUCK

Stranger: QUICK, THROW THINGS AT THEM

Stranger: THEY”RE GROSS

You: LIKE THIS COBBLER GOBLIN

You: TAKE THAT

Stranger: YES

You: AND THIS TOO

Stranger: Phew. That was close

You: Wow, you were pretty brave back there, I think it’s safe to proceed.

Stranger: Yes, we’ll have to be more careful from here on

You: Hm, markings on the wall, could they be a tattoo from ancient times or maybe a warning…

Stranger: Does it say anything about dinosaurs?

You: It seems to depict an arrow through a heart and a flaming skull that reads, “Sexxy thing.”

You: Hm.

Stranger: How strange, I wonder what it means.

Stranger: Hmm

You: I bet it’s just a stupid thing he got back in college, or last week, nothing serious.

You: Oh,

You: I guess I was wrong

Stranger: OH?

You: Don’t look now, but there’s a giant flaming skull coming.

You: Okay, look now.

Stranger: LOOKING

Stranger: Should we run?

Stranger: Or fight?

You: WE SHOULD

You: TALK TO IT

Stranger: OH

Stranger: Alright then!

You: I think this message says we should defeat the Sexxy Thing through flattery and cajoling.

Stranger: That sounds quite clear

You: Absolutely, and I’m just taking this from some guy’s love-handle ink.

You: Hey, Mister Skull.

You: I think you’re really HOT.

Stranger: And very well placed

You: And not just because you’re on fire, your personality is just REALLY ATTRACTIVE.

You: Is it working?

Stranger: I think it’s blushing, but it’s really hard to tell

You: Yeah, if you squint…that, I or just made it madder… UHHH, YOU TRY!

Stranger: UH UH UM, YOU HAVE LOVELY EYES (OH GOD DOES IT EVEN HAVE EYES?) AND YOUR ARROW PIERCING IS SUPER COOL

You: I THINK IT’S WORKING.

Stranger: OH SHOOT, WRONG TATTOO

You: OH NO

Stranger: OH NOO

Stranger: RUN

You: AHHHH

Stranger: SORRY

You: QUICK! INTO THAT FLAB FOLD!

Stranger: AHHHHH

You: Shhh, I’m sure the earless flaming skull relies upon hearing to find it’s victims….wait

Stranger: Okay, do you see it?

You: Yeah, it’s just, floating.

You: Oh wait! I think I see something.

Stranger: Yes?

You: It’s illuminating the far ends of the cavern, I seeee YES! MY DINOSAUR—

You: AHHHHH!

Stranger: WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

You: THE SKULL

Stranger: OH NO

You: IT’S BACK! WHERE ARE THOSE SWORDS?!

Stranger: HERE

Stranger: ENGARD

You: GOOD. UHHH, TAKE THAT!

Stranger: KEEP BACK YOU BEAST

You: SLASH SLASH

You: POKE

You: AVAST

Stranger: It bit the end of my sword off…

You: oh

Stranger: Um

You: What big teeth you have Mr. Flaming Skull.

Stranger: NICE big teeth

You: PLEASE DON’T EAT US

Stranger: WE”RE LOVELY REALLY

You: I bet, I bet you’ve got a sweet tooth!

You: Yeh, living with all those sugary monsters in here!

Stranger: Do you want a piece of cake?

You: I’m really nasty and bitter, you wouldn’t like me at all, disenchanted by years of a lousy job and cruel cruel reality.

Stranger: Mm, yeah, me too

Stranger: I’m gross

You: Here, I’ve got sommme mentos in my pocket, take them, I don’t even like apple!

Stranger: That’s a good idea

You: I think it’s distracted! Let’s make a run for it!

Stranger: Okay, quietly!

You: *SCREAMING LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL WITH HAIR FULL OF CATIPILLARS*

You: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

Stranger: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Stranger: I DON”T WANNA DIEEE

You: *SOBBING GROSSLY*

You: I’VE GOT SO MUCH TO LIVE FORRRRR

You: I’M TOO BEAUTIFULLLL

You: I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS WELL I DON’T ACTUALLY AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL BUT I HAVE NEOPETS THAT NEED ME

Stranger: I HAVE HALF FINISHED PICTURES, PLEASE DON’T EAT MEEEE

You: I HAVEN’T EVEN MADE MY FUNERAL PLAYLIST YETTTTT

You: THE GUYS AT THE YARD WON’T REMEMBER TO PUT DANCING QUEEN ON ITTTTT

Stranger: NOOOOOO THE TRAUMA!

You: AHHHHHH

You: OKAY, I GOT HER

Stranger: YESSSSS!

You: HAVE YOU SEEN RAIDERS OF THE LAST ARK?

Stranger: NO

You: OH

You: HAVE YOU SEEN A MOVIE WHERE SOMEBODY RUNS AWAY FROM SOMETHING REALLY BAD REALLY FAST?

Stranger: YES

Stranger: ARE WE GOING TO DO THAT NOW?

You: YES

Stranger: ALRIGHT

You: OKAY, WE’VE GOT A 10 PERCENT CHANCE MY RANDOMLY SELECTED PERCENTAGE IS ACCURATE OF OUR SURVIVAL RATE BUT IT’S A QUICK DASH TO THE FLAP WE CRAWLED IN FROM

You: DO YOU SEE THE ROPE?

Stranger: YES! VAGUELY…

You: ALRIGHT, WHEN YOU GET WITHIN A FEW METERS OF THE EXIT, GRAB ONTO IT

Stranger: OKAY,

You: NOW!

Stranger: GOT IT

You: ALRIGHT, DESCEND FAST BUT DON’T HOLD ON TOO LOOSELY OR YOU’LL PLUMMET TO YOUR DEATH OR SOMETHING

Stranger: OH WOW, OKAY!

Stranger: DO YOU THINK MYCROFT CAN HEAR US?

You: I HOPE SO

You: HE SHOULD TAKE THIS AS A WARNING ABOUT HIS PHYSICAL HEALTH

Stranger: HE REALLY SHOULD

Stranger: GOOD GOD

You: ALSO, HE SHOULD GET THOSE TATTOOS REMOVED

You: THEY’RE VERY UNPROFESSIONAL

Stranger: THEY ARE FRIGHTENING

Stranger: HEAR THIS MYCROFT?

Stranger: MUMMY WOULD NOT BE PLEASED

You: MUMMY WILL NOT BE PLEASED IT ONLY SAYS MOTH ON THE HEART

You: DON’T HALF-ASS A CHEAP TATTOO MYCROFT

Stranger: THAT’S JUST DISGUSTING

You: OKAY! I SEE SUNLIGHT! JUST A FEW MORE— AHHHHH

You: THE ROPE BROKE! I THINK IT CAUGHT FIRE FROM THE SKULL!

You: WE’RE GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE

You: SOONER THAN INITIALLY ANTICIPATED.

Stranger: NOOOOOO NOT ON MY WATCH

Stranger: WE”LL USE MY HAIR

You: WHAT?

Stranger: It’s TOO LONG

You: OKAY, WELL, IF YOU WERE JUST GONNA CUT IT ANYWAYS

Stranger: YUP, CAN YOU SLICE IT OFF WITH YOUR SWORD?

You: YES, THERE!

Stranger: FANTASTIC< NOW WE HAVE TO THROW IT INTO THE LIGHT AND HOPE IT CATCHES ON TO SOMETHING

Stranger: Yeah, we’re going to die

You: Not on my watch! I was a boy scout! This knot is supposed to be fail-proof!

You: HAH!

Stranger: YESSS!

Stranger: I skipped out of boy scouts, took up computer instead

You: *ENGAGE HOLD-SEEKING KNOT*

You: IT CAUGHT! YES!

Stranger: FANTASTIC

Stranger: YOU are AMAZING

Stranger: BRILLIANT

You: *YOU’RE AMAZING

You: FLOOR, SWEET FLOOR!

Stranger: KISSES FOR THE SWEET FLOOR

Stranger: ACTUALLY NO WAIT, gross

You: YEAH, that should be cleaned.

You: Mycroft!

You: Clean your floor!

Stranger: Mycroft, clean your floor!

Stranger: AND PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON

You: YES

You: YOU ARE A DISGUSTING MAN

Stranger: THAT WAS A DISGUSTING EXPERIENCE

Stranger: Yick

You: YOU HAVE CREATURES LIVING INSIDE THE CAVERNOUS EXPANSE OF YOUR STOMACH FOLDS

You: I should take a shower

Stranger: YOU HAVE CAVERNOUS EXPANSES OF STOMACH FOLDS

Stranger: A year long shower

You: And to you, how can I ever repay you, why, I don

You: ’t even know your name!

Stranger: Nor I yours!

You: I could get you a Starbucks gift-card or something-

You: My name is Anderson A. Anderson, and I am forever indebted to you.

Stranger: A voucher for a book shop for you, maybe?

You: Okay

You: I can do that

Stranger: Sounds good

You: And whom might you be brave one?

Stranger: Oh, no one in particular, I’m from the wrong series actually, the name’s Eugenides, but you can call me Gen

You: Oh, what series, I’m a pretty big reader you know.

You: Sounds Greek to me.

Stranger: The Queen’s Thief series, very interesting books

Stranger: And yes, Greek

You: Ah, I’ll check it out then.

Stranger: Have fun, they’re immensely enjoyable, not meaning to be big headed or anything

You: That’s alright, I was joking when I said I was the best detective ever…I’m really not if you could believe me somehow.

You: I couldn’t have done this without you.

You: And our sponsors of course.

Stranger: Of course, yes

You: My dinosaur would also like to thank you, she saw horrible things back in that cave and won

You: ’t even speak about how she got there, it was too horrible to describe.

Stranger: Oh I understand entirely, you should send her someplace nice for a holiday, maybe Eddis?

You: Alright, she could use the sun.

Stranger: Ah, not sunny in Eddis, maybe you should try Attolia then? I’ll call my wife and she’ll get a castle free for you

You: Ooh, castle!

You: That’s too kind of you.

Stranger: Not at all, I’ve been rather bored lately so an adventure, albeit a rather disgusting one, has been much appreciated!

You: You’re welcome my inconveniencing has entertained you so. Now I suppose it’s back to work for me.

You: Sigh, my division is mostly pretending to do paperwork.

Stranger: That sounds dreadful, mind right now is listening to a lot of very boring meetings

Stranger: It’s truly terrible

You: Truly.

You: My boss will be back from lunch soon, I should return to my realm and you your’s. I guess this is farewell then.

Stranger: Indeed yes, be blessed in your endevours Anderson!

You: And you in yours.

Stranger: Thank you

You: And not Sherlock.

Stranger: Farewell!

You: Farewell!